A Challenge to Overcome Myself

Have you ever just been struck with a case of the blahs and you can't get rid of it? That's where I'm at. About 9 months ago I was positive that I had defeated the depression I had been diagnosed with. I moved to a new house over a year ago with a fantastic roommate. I didn't love my job, but there was a glimmer of hope that I would learn to love it. I had wonderful friends who were fun to spend time with and my family was still putting up with me. I felt content, happy, at peace. While none of that has changed; I still have a job (that I have definitely NOT learned to love), a roommate who puts up with my mood swings, friends who I love, and a family who seems to always know what's wrong with me, I can't seem to overpower the darkness anymore. I've been battling for a few weeks now and I'm pretty sure I'm drowning. I'm nowhere near where I used to be, and I hope and pray I never see days like those again. But, I'm in need of some help.

Today at church I was reminded of something my amazing bishop said. I can't remember what triggered the thought, but the thought is what's important. Bishop Anderson told us that there are 3 steps that we need to take with everything: 1. Faith, 2. Trust, 3. Effort. First we must have faith. Faith in the Lord Jesus Christ, faith that I am a daughter of a Heavenly Father who loves me, and faith that they will hear my prayers. Second we must trust our Savior and Heavenly Father. Like I said, they love us, each of us. It's time for me to let go and trust. I don't know how to do that, so apparently it's time to learn. Third we must put forth effort. I can't just sit around waiting for Heavenly Father to do everything for me, that's not how it works.

While all of this was going through my mind, the Spirit also gave me a plan. I know myself well enough to know that if I don't make myself responsible to someone I won't follow my plan. So, any of you who read this are now witnesses to my plan. Here it is: I will read the entire Book of Mormon by the last day of school, June 4th. I will have faith that the Book of Mormon is true and that it will help me with the things I am struggling with. I am putting my trust in my Savior that he will heal my heart, comfort my sorrows, lighten my load, and lead me to the happiness I so desparately want. I will put forth the effort to bring the Spirit into my life by doing things we have been counseled to do.

My testimony isn't wavering, but sometimes my emotional stability wavers. I know my Savior lives and I know that through Him I will receive salvation. I know that I am daughter of God and because of that I have great potential and an amazing eternal life ahead of me. I know that the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints is true. I can't imagine life without this gospel. Here we go, about 2 1/2 months...