Lessons Learned...

Yesterday I received the devastating news that a friend from my ward, Kim Evans, had fallen while hiking and no one had seen her since she went over the waterfall. A group of us gathered last night to await any news, but none came. Today our church services were somber and tear-filled. While Kim is a fairly new friend to me, I have grown to love and admire her quickly. She is absolutely beautiful! She is also very sassy. It was only 2 weeks ago that I got to listen to her rant about an interaction she'd just had with an ex-boyfriend. She was a spitfire and had me giggling while listening to her. My heart is breaking for her family who is without closure at this moment, for her incredible roommate Tamara, and for Joe the guy she was with. It's so frustrating to feel so helpless! For those who read this, please pray for those search and rescue teams that they will be able to recover Kim and take her home to her parents. Please pray that the raging water will calm.
Situations such as this always tug my heart strings because not only do I sympathize with those left behind, but sadly I am able to empathize. August 11th of this year will be 4 years since my Handsome Tyler was taken from me. Stories and experiences such as Kim's have been extremely difficult for me because they are so similar to what I have been experiencing, but over the last 2 days I have, for the first time, been able to separate this experience from Tyler. But, at the same time I have been able to carry with me lessons that I am learning and apply them to the current situation. I would like to share a few of the things I have learned with the hope and prayer that someone will benefit from what I have taken so long to learn. I am convinced that Heavenly Father spends a lot of His time beating me over the head with a spiritual 2x4 simply because I am such a difficult and stubborn student (that would explain why these situations, lessons, and thinking sessions always result in me having a headache).
1. Most important lesson I have learned is that the Atonement of our Savior Jesus Christ was not only for our sins. Growing up you learn a lot about Jesus atoning for our sins so that we can be made clean. I am so grateful for that knowledge because I make so many mistakes and stupid decisions that I would be lost without the Atonement. However, the Atonement has come to mean so much more to me over the last 4 years. My Savior suffered my heartache, sorrow, grief, fears, frustrations, depression, and my lowest of lows. He is the only being who KNOWS what it's like to be trapped in my head with unbearable grief. He suffered that! He KNOWS what it's like to be Sarah White and be depressed. The Atonement covered that. I am never... YOU are never alone! The end (that means you can't argue with me because I'm right).
2. Everyone grieves differently. This lesson took me a very long time to learn, and I still have to have refresher courses. We are not all the same, thank goodness (that would make for a very boring world!) therefore we react and grieve differently. We need to respect that about each other. I have beliefs that I've formed since Tyler's accident that bring me comfort, but not everyone agrees with my way of thinking and that's okay. We all gain comfort from different things. Kim's roommate, Tamara, is absolutely amazing. I was watching her tonight and compared her to what I was like 36 hours after Tyler's accident. She was up, dressed, had her hair done, talking to people, surrounded by tons of people, laughing, smiling, sharing information, and comforting us. I was the exact opposite of all of that. But, then I remembered... everyone grieves differently. One way is not better than the other (although I think Tamara's way is healthier) they are simply different. And that's okay.
3. Heavenly Father will "compensate" (for lack of a word that makes sense with what's in my head) for what you have lost. I believe that all our wrongs will be made right. I don't know exactly how, but I believe that in the eternities none of us will feel as though we were slighted.
4. There's a reason we were put here surrounded by other people! "Mourn with those who mourn, comfort those who stand in need of comfort." Let me share an example... I attend the most amazing ward EVER! I have been in this ward 2 1/2 years now. Tonight I was able to share some of my thoughts and feelings about my experience with losing Tyler with my friends. They have been aware of my situation since I moved into the ward and we discussed where I was 2 1/2 years ago and where I am now. Even I can see the growth! I have made the most incredible friends in this ward! I wish I could fully explain how much I love them. I 100% believe that Heavenly Father placed them in my life because I needed their strength at that (and even NOW) time in my life. Honestly, you should totally meet these girls, AMAZING! I found myself trying to bargain with Heavenly Father awhile back, "I will trade my friends to have Tyler back." Terrible, right? I know. But, Heavenly Father heard me pleading and took that time to tenderly teach me a new lesson. I can't have Tyler back yet. That's not even an option. But, because Heavenly Father knew that I had lost my best friend, my companion, and a large piece of my future, He surrounded me with people who would love me, lift me, and carry me. These amazing women were sent to me because Heavenly Father loves me. I pray that they will be blessed for all the good that they have brought to my life. They saved me.
I still have other lessons to learn (like I said I'm a slow learner) even though it's been 4 years. The current 2x4 that I'm being beat with is forgiveness. That's still a really hard one for me. But, I believe that Heavenly Father is patient. I also believe that He knows each of individually and that He loves us individually. I pray that His comfort and spirit will be with the Evans, Clarks, and Bates families. I ask for your prayers on behalf of the Evans family, Joe Clark, and Tamara Bates.

All My Teenage Dreams Fulfilled!

Wednesday June 23, 2010 will go down as one of the happiest evenings of my life. I got to see Backstreet Boys in concert! The teenager in me was absolutely giddy with excitement! It's about time they made their return. I got to see BSB in concert twice in high school and I loved it! They've been gone for several years now, so to have them come on tour again was AWESOME! My friend from work, Janelle, and I had once talked about our love for Backstreet Boys and had vowed that if they were to come in concert we would go together. We both found out about the concert on the same day and knew we had to experience it together. The evening wouldn't have been complete without Kjersti and Kandus. I had a fantastic night! I was so amped up when I got home that I only got about 3 hours of sleep, and part of that was spent dreaming about Backstreet Boys. Love it!

Kjersti's first boy band experience, and second concert. She's in for the thrill of her life!

My fellow Backstreet Boys obsessed fan! I may have purchased the tickets at work and went running into Janelle's class across the hall and said, "I'm about to push purchase, you still in?!" "YES!" Apparently our code talking confused her classroom full of students, and when she explained that we were going to see Backstreet Boys one kid asked, "Aren't they like 50?" WHAT?! Kids these days!

Kjersti and Kandus

Yes, we did spend money on matching Backstreet Boys concert t-shirts! I can't wait to wear it!!!!

Our group: Kandus, Kjersti, me, and Janelle

Me and Kjersti.

Me and Kandus

The opening act was a DJ.

Let the countdown begin! I may have taken 99 pictures/videos during the concert. I have tried to pick just the very best pictures for this post, but you may be missing out on a little bit of the awesomeness, just warning you...

AJ

Nick has gotten really cute! I really like grown-up Nick.

Howie

I have been in love with Brian Littrell for probably 15 years! Oh, pure happiness!

Apparently it got a little too loud...

AJ promised that "Backstreet's Back!"

Goodbye boys! Please come back again soon!!!

We survived and loved every minute! Yes, we look sweaty and melty because that arena was HOT! But, it was totally worth it. Backstreet Boys played for nearly 2 hours straight. It was an incredible night and I am so glad that Janelle wanted to go to that concert as badly as I did. It was fun to have a fellow obsessed fan!

Kjersti just couldn't pass up a photo op. We were slow leaving and the arena cleared out amazingly fast.

It was a successful evening of awesomeness! We had to display our t-shirts while still in the arena. This picture was taken while one of the ushers was scolding us for not leaving. Ooops. :)

Clutter Queen... Leader of the Pack Rats

Hi, my name is Sarah and I'm a pack rat. Yes, it's true. I have issues (which all of you already know, but I'm about to add to that list). My mother will testify to the truth of the pack rat statement. Unfortunately I inherited the "I-must-keep-everything" gene from one of my parents... for the sake of my inheritance I will not be admitting which one. I look at a piece of paper, that at one time was slightly important and I think, "What happens if I need this next year? I must keep it!" I must keep that 2 feet of leftover yarn, I'm sure I'll need it for something important. Or I begin considering donating one of the 3 garbage bags of stuffed animals hidden under my bed (it used to be 5 bags so I'm making progress) to D.I. and then I think, "It will hurt that cute teddy bear's feelings! I must keep them all!" WHAT?! Since when do stuffed animals have "feelings." Yes, definite issues....
Luckily I have a good roommate who was well aware of several of my issues when I moved in with her. She cheered me on a few months ago as I gave away 2 bags of stuffed animals, but was also very understanding when I felt a little bad. She thinks my yarn store in our office is funny, which is lucky because I have visions of yarn taking over the house. I like yarn. She quietly tucks away my random piles (maybe she complains to other people, but she has never scolded me). When my room is a mess she just closes my bedroom door when someone is coming over. Maybe someday she'll smother me in my sleep and then call in a dumpster and the hazmat team to clean out all my crap, but for now I am grateful for her willingness to put up with me (especially since I plan to stay awhile).
The last few days I have felt completely BLAH! Just yucky. Almost meltdown worthy, but since I haven't had one of my famous meltdowns for awhile I didn't want to start again. I figured it was time to do something productive. What better than to clean up 2 of my biggest dumping grounds: my purse and our office.

I dumped out the contents of my purse and look what I found! Holy smokes! As I sorted through the debris I found about a month's worth of receipts, 12... yes folks 12 pens, a book, gum wrappers galore, my ticket and program from Tarzan, my long lost earrings and ring, gift cards, and then the usual purse residents. I think it's time to go purse shopping. I can fit WAY too much stuff in this current purse. I need something smaller.

Next, I attacked the office. I really love where I live. Kandus did a great job when she bought this house. I have the perfect size bedroom, my own bathroom, and a fantastic walk-in closet. I really love our room dedicated to craftiness. We are both so busy that the only time we really visit this room is to use the iron, but it's still a nice thought. Between Kandus and I we have enough scrapbooking stuff to supply a small store, and I get a little more every month at my card class. The problem is, how in the world do you store all that stuff neatly?! Any suggestions on this would be greatly appreciated!! Because I make regular additions to my scrapbooking and yarn supplies I end up just dumping it on the table, futon, or ironing board. I've got to get better. So, this evening I cleaned. It looks pretty now and I'm actually inspired to sit down and work on my scrapbook. Who knew that cleaning that space would make me actually want to scrapbook????

It only took me an hour to get to this point!

Moral of this story.... Well, I don't know for sure. Maybe it is that I need to learn to part with unimportant things. No, that's not it..... ;)

Girls' Weekend

Friday June 11th some of my best friends and I traveled to St. George to spend the weekend. We stayed with my brother and his wife. When we got down there Friday afternoon we went shopping, went to dinner, and then it was off to see "Tarzan" at Tuachan. I loved it! It added to the "feeling" when it rained on us the last half hour of the play. :) And, can I just say, Tarzan was yummy!

D'Nell, Heather, Amber, and Camille

Amber, Camille, and me

"Strike a pose..." D'Nell was in charge of the road trip soundtrack and she did a fantastic job. I would highly recommend her if any of you are planning a road trip any time soon. Our theme song was "Party in the U.S.A" by Miley Cyrus. Every time we turned the car on it was required that we listen to that song. Needless to say, I almost know that song by heart now.

My sister, Emma, had the privilege of riding home with us and this is how she summed up the drive home: "Sarah, your friends are weird. D'Nell tells lots of stories, Heather is totally random, and Amber doesn't talk." My response: "What are you talking about?! My friends are AWESOME!"

Done!

In the midst of all the crazy end of year stuff I forgot to post that I met the goal I set for myself a few months ago. At 11:00 p.m. Friday June 4th I finished The Book of Mormon. There were no life altering events or revelations as I worked toward this goal, but I do feel a sense of accomplishment. Apparently the lesson I needed to learn was to have faith. Anything regarding faith really stuck out to me. Ether chapter 12 was definitely one of my favorites. Check it out some time.
The Book of Mormon is true!

The End...

Let the year end festivities begin....


Yesterday was 9th Grade Lagoon Day. There are several of us at Valley who look forward to 9th Grade Lagoon Day every year. It's almost a "Thank you for putting up with these stinkers all year. Have a day at Lagoon and lunch on us." We have had new assistant principals this year who have been a lot of fun. Shauna informed all of us who signed up to go to Lagoon that we would be participating in one of those old fashioned photos in Pioneer Village. Was I thrilled about that? No. Was I hoping deep down that I would be able to get out of it? Yes. Did my dreams come true? Well, what do these pictures tell you? Apparently the end of this school year involved a lot of wearing costumes for me. Definitely not something I frequently seek out...

Yes, I was the only woman who would not take off my t-shirt. Why? 3 reasons. 1. I'm a prude, it's really that plain and simple. 2. Who else has worn that dress????? Just sayin'... ewww yuck! 3. All those men work with me. I would have to look at them all in the future and I couldn't have done that knowing they had seen that much of me.

Today would not have been complete without finishing a ritual I began back in February. The month of February turned out to be one of the worst few weeks on record for me. It's kind of a long story, so we'll just leave it at... It was BAD! Because I of that I was just done. One of my cute students helped me created a paper chain. It had 75 links in it when we began. I wrote the dates on each link and every afternoon when I left school (or the next morning if I forgot) I had the privilege of tearing off another link. Today I removed my final link, and while it still doesn't feel like the last day of school there was some relief knowing that this horribly difficult school year is over and next year has much brighter promise. Honestly, it can't get much worse.

Something You Thought You Would NEVER See...

http://gallery.me.com/sstates#100130

TRUST ME.... YOU WANT TO SEE THIS! IT'S A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EVENT!!! Yes, that's me on the far right...