Lessons Learned...

Yesterday I received the devastating news that a friend from my ward, Kim Evans, had fallen while hiking and no one had seen her since she went over the waterfall. A group of us gathered last night to await any news, but none came. Today our church services were somber and tear-filled. While Kim is a fairly new friend to me, I have grown to love and admire her quickly. She is absolutely beautiful! She is also very sassy. It was only 2 weeks ago that I got to listen to her rant about an interaction she'd just had with an ex-boyfriend. She was a spitfire and had me giggling while listening to her. My heart is breaking for her family who is without closure at this moment, for her incredible roommate Tamara, and for Joe the guy she was with. It's so frustrating to feel so helpless! For those who read this, please pray for those search and rescue teams that they will be able to recover Kim and take her home to her parents. Please pray that the raging water will calm.
Situations such as this always tug my heart strings because not only do I sympathize with those left behind, but sadly I am able to empathize. August 11th of this year will be 4 years since my Handsome Tyler was taken from me. Stories and experiences such as Kim's have been extremely difficult for me because they are so similar to what I have been experiencing, but over the last 2 days I have, for the first time, been able to separate this experience from Tyler. But, at the same time I have been able to carry with me lessons that I am learning and apply them to the current situation. I would like to share a few of the things I have learned with the hope and prayer that someone will benefit from what I have taken so long to learn. I am convinced that Heavenly Father spends a lot of His time beating me over the head with a spiritual 2x4 simply because I am such a difficult and stubborn student (that would explain why these situations, lessons, and thinking sessions always result in me having a headache).
1. Most important lesson I have learned is that the Atonement of our Savior Jesus Christ was not only for our sins. Growing up you learn a lot about Jesus atoning for our sins so that we can be made clean. I am so grateful for that knowledge because I make so many mistakes and stupid decisions that I would be lost without the Atonement. However, the Atonement has come to mean so much more to me over the last 4 years. My Savior suffered my heartache, sorrow, grief, fears, frustrations, depression, and my lowest of lows. He is the only being who KNOWS what it's like to be trapped in my head with unbearable grief. He suffered that! He KNOWS what it's like to be Sarah White and be depressed. The Atonement covered that. I am never... YOU are never alone! The end (that means you can't argue with me because I'm right).
2. Everyone grieves differently. This lesson took me a very long time to learn, and I still have to have refresher courses. We are not all the same, thank goodness (that would make for a very boring world!) therefore we react and grieve differently. We need to respect that about each other. I have beliefs that I've formed since Tyler's accident that bring me comfort, but not everyone agrees with my way of thinking and that's okay. We all gain comfort from different things. Kim's roommate, Tamara, is absolutely amazing. I was watching her tonight and compared her to what I was like 36 hours after Tyler's accident. She was up, dressed, had her hair done, talking to people, surrounded by tons of people, laughing, smiling, sharing information, and comforting us. I was the exact opposite of all of that. But, then I remembered... everyone grieves differently. One way is not better than the other (although I think Tamara's way is healthier) they are simply different. And that's okay.
3. Heavenly Father will "compensate" (for lack of a word that makes sense with what's in my head) for what you have lost. I believe that all our wrongs will be made right. I don't know exactly how, but I believe that in the eternities none of us will feel as though we were slighted.
4. There's a reason we were put here surrounded by other people! "Mourn with those who mourn, comfort those who stand in need of comfort." Let me share an example... I attend the most amazing ward EVER! I have been in this ward 2 1/2 years now. Tonight I was able to share some of my thoughts and feelings about my experience with losing Tyler with my friends. They have been aware of my situation since I moved into the ward and we discussed where I was 2 1/2 years ago and where I am now. Even I can see the growth! I have made the most incredible friends in this ward! I wish I could fully explain how much I love them. I 100% believe that Heavenly Father placed them in my life because I needed their strength at that (and even NOW) time in my life. Honestly, you should totally meet these girls, AMAZING! I found myself trying to bargain with Heavenly Father awhile back, "I will trade my friends to have Tyler back." Terrible, right? I know. But, Heavenly Father heard me pleading and took that time to tenderly teach me a new lesson. I can't have Tyler back yet. That's not even an option. But, because Heavenly Father knew that I had lost my best friend, my companion, and a large piece of my future, He surrounded me with people who would love me, lift me, and carry me. These amazing women were sent to me because Heavenly Father loves me. I pray that they will be blessed for all the good that they have brought to my life. They saved me.
I still have other lessons to learn (like I said I'm a slow learner) even though it's been 4 years. The current 2x4 that I'm being beat with is forgiveness. That's still a really hard one for me. But, I believe that Heavenly Father is patient. I also believe that He knows each of individually and that He loves us individually. I pray that His comfort and spirit will be with the Evans, Clarks, and Bates families. I ask for your prayers on behalf of the Evans family, Joe Clark, and Tamara Bates.